Who are you talking to — when you talk with yourself?

Well naturally, you’re talking to yourself when you talk with yourself, right? Yes, of course, but who exactly is speaking, and who exactly is listening? There must be different aspects of the self that are inquiring, informing, discovering, sharing, and co-creating together. But whomever is involved in this conversation, there is a matter of concern that may arise in your mind…

For some reason, everybody is having their own inner conversations, and yet there is the curious fear of being known as one who talks to yourself. After all, those persons muttering to themselves should be subject to ridicule, shouldn’t they? But if so, why? How did society come to have this suspicion about self-talk?

Let’s make it clear that there is, in fact, a reason that people have a concern about self-talk. When you look at the repetitive style of conversation that the unfortunate people living on the street engage in, you begin to understand how self-talk developed this stigma. The wandering street people who are lost in the maze of their own inner conversation are not utilizing their self-talk ability to find solutions to their problems. They are not participating in a liberating conversation with their soul, or receiving the wisdom of their heart.

The kind of self-talk that has led to fears about inner conversations is the unconscious, repetitive, negatively-oriented conversation that leaves the soul out of the process. It is like a broken record that endless repeats, and never reaches a conclusion. When people observe this stuck process, they intuitively recognize that something is wrong. And that is one of the reasons that people have come to judge inner conversations.

Of course, you aren’t a wandering deluded street person stuck in mindless babble, and yet there is another reason that you need to know about that explains the judgments that society has about the practice of self-talk…

Society has a collective consciousness, and it generally likes to keep everything in its place — that is, people have an underlying suspicion of those who are thinking about reality, because such people may be inclined to change reality. Now, you might wonder whether the mass consciousness would want to limit you. Even though many people generally want the best for you, the unconscious patterns deep within society want you to keep maintaining the same level you’ve always had.

In other words, don’t change, because if you do, that shows us that we might have to change too, and that is too confronting for us. And here you begin to see how self-talk fits into this situation, because when you use self-talk to address your limitations, and to find your way into a higher level of functioning, you change your vibration. And this changes your reality when you act upon your evolving understandings.

What happens when the collective consciousness senses your shifts? This collective awareness could consist of your family, your community, your friends, your co-workers, and society in general. And they may react, on one level or another, with dismay, resistance, denial, or confusion.

So if your inner conversation lets you discover who you are, so that you can move forward in the expression of your higher potential, then what do you do when certain aspects of the collective consciousness become uncomfortable with your transformational shifts? Again, self-talk helps you move forward. But to understand why, you need to know exactly who is involved in your self-talk…

You’re reading these words now, but who exactly is the You who is reading? The consciousness reading this and reflecting upon it is your conscious self. Let’s put your conscious self at the hub of a wheel. The hub remains at the center of the wheel, even when the wheel is moving. No matter how many spokes the wheel has, all the spokes are stabilized by the hub at the center.

You have an eternal aspect of your soul, known as the higher self. Some people would suggest that the higher self should be at the hub of the wheel. No, it is you, the conscious self, that needs to make conscious decisions. You have a higher self, and you can have a conversation with your higher self — but you, the conscious self, are at the hub of the wheel. And in that position, you can organize conversations with your higher self, with your sub-conscious aspects, and with your child-like aspects.

Your subconscious aspects and your child aspects are spokes of the wheel. They are connected to the hub, but they cannot make decisions. Ah, but they seem to be making some of the decisions at times, and that is a problem. When a child aspect is at the hub of the wheel, it may seem sensible to have candy instead of a nutrition meal. Or it may seem reasonable to avoid some important task that is just seemingly too bothersome.

The subconscious aspects are those levels of self that may have fragmented into their own little world, as a result of stressful or fearful experiences you have experienced. When you become more aware of the inner conversations, you begin to recognize that some of the inner voices are from these unconscious aspects. But what makes them unconscious?

When your conscious self has not yet recognized an unconscious aspect within you, the unconscious parts stays in the shadows. And so it takes some deliberate effort to bring these subconscious aspects to the surface. And when you listen to them, it will seem that they are stuck in a limited little loop of awareness. And where have you seen that kind of pattern?

The street people who are stuck in their little repetitive loop are under the control of their subconscious aspects. They seem unable to get out of that stuck place because they aren’t utilizing their conscious self at the hub of their wheel. It is as if the subconscious aspects are entirely controlling where the wheel goes.

So when you recognize your inner loops and stuck places, that doesn’t mean that you’re crazy or bad. It only means that you, like everyone else, has inner aspects that are stuck. And this may explain, in another way, why society has a fear of inner conversations.

People recognize that they, themselves, have these inner stuck loops that reflect their inner shadows, and they fear these troubled inner patterns. But it’s nothing to fear, because it is only stuck temporarily. It is languishing in its limited little shadowy place in the subconscious.

A shadowy room is only that way when light is missing, and so you turn on the light in that shadowy inner room, so to speak, by having a conversation with the stuck, sad, fearful, angry, or confused inner part of the self. And remember, it is you, the conscious self, who is leading the conversation. But how will you know what to do when you talk with an upset aspect of yourself?

Well, go back to the situation in the dark room, and see that anyone who turns on the light immediately transforms that room. It doesn’t take genius, but just the willingness to turn on the light. And this you can do by having a conversation with the stuck aspect of the self.

When you listen to the repetitive complaints of the troubled inner self, listen with kindness, but with the intention that you can bring new light, or new awareness to that aspect of the self. Simple though it sounds, you can have a conversation with the troubled aspect, and you can share some simple solutions. Its not difficult, but it does require some patience.

And remember, this troubled aspect within is only a spoke of the wheel, and not the hub of the wheel. And so the fact that this troubled part exists doesn’t mean that you are a troubled person. No, you are a conscious bright being, and you are choosing to have a conversation with a part of yourself that has become fragmented. And this conversation brings about change and healing…

The challenged aspects of the self have their own voice, but their opinions are informed from their limited and negative past experiences. And when you recognize this, you can listen to these aspects non-judgmentally. There is nothing to fear from these aspects, because you recognize that they are speaking in their characteristic way, resulting from their limited understanding.

Please understand that these aspects from your inner shadows may not recognize you at first. That is OK, and it may take some patience, some kindness, and some repetition for your supportive words to get through.

So what do you say to your troubled aspects? How do you start the conversation? Think about what you might have said when you got together with a friend. You might have asked your friend, “What’s happening?” because you know that whatever is happening will become a place for the conversation to start. And the same is true when you talk with yourself. What is happening? And the response you receive may well be a complaint. And that’s not a bad place to start the conversation.

But what if the inner aspects are just feeling stuck, sad, angry, and uncommunicative? That can lead to a conversation, too. But you might have to make some remarks yourself to get the conversation started. You could comment on how that inner part of yourself seems to be sad, angry, or whatever it seems to be. And this is not a negative thing to do. It is a conversation starter with your inner aspects. You aren’t going to get stuck there. You are just being real. You are observing something, and commenting on it.

But why would sharing your honest observations with your inner parts lead to a productive conversation? Shouldn’t you be giving your inner self only positive affirmations? Well, you could do that if your goal is to produce confusion or resistance. How would you like it if you were upset with something, and feeling frustrated and stuck, and people only responded to you by smiling and giving you positive affirmations? You would feel unacknowledged, misunderstood, and would not feel that you were being helped.

And so, your inner conversation, though eventually leading in a positive direction, may likely start in a seemingly negative place. If you’re patient, nonjudgmental, and have a positive intention for the conversation, you can listen sympathetically, and express your love and your concern with your inner parts. And that’s an excellent place to start the healing. Gradually, your inner parts that have been stuck in the shadows become able to listen to you and to participate with you — that’s with you, the conscious self.

But how does the higher self fit into this? You might suppose that this healing work would be better suited to the higher self, and in fact, the higher self will be called upon in this process. However, it is important that you respect that you, the conscious self, are a vital central component of this process. You are the central hub that unites the spokes of the wheel — not because you are somehow better, but because you are the aspect of the soul that is learning how to be conscious in this lifetime. And speaking of the wheel, how does the higher self fit on the wheel?

You could see the higher self as the outer rim of the wheel — it unites all the spokes, and it embraces every part of the wheel. And so your conscious self, located at the center of the wheel, is surrounded by the higher self. And all the spokes —  the aspects of the self — are surrounded by the higher self as well. But there are still some people who will insist that the higher self should be at the hub of the wheel. That leads us to a brief exploration of this lifetime and it’s purpose…

Your higher self extends aspects of itself into each lifetime. The individual consciousness that emerges in each lifetime, though it is an expression of the higher self, is an individual aspect in its own right — it exists in that lifetime to learn about being conscious. And at the same time, what you experience and learn in each lifetime actually enlivens and evolves the higher self.

This is because the higher self, though seemingly infinitely wise, is in a continual state of learning and growing. So when you assume that your higher self knows it all, you are assuming that it is fully enlightened. And there is no such thing.

Enlightenment is a continual process, and your higher self continually learns through its experiences. Although you would do well to activate the light and presence of your higher self within you, you can also honor that you are here to learn, discover, grow, and experience each moment here in this lifetime. Though you can receive excellent guidance from the higher self, you are not to mindless ask its advice in a passive way.

You are learning how to utilize your awareness, so that you have your own intrinsic higher self awareness, expressed as a natural aspect of your being. You have free will to think, to act, and to place your attention where you choose to place it. This is because you, the conscious self, are cultivating your abilities to mindfully function at the highest cosmic level in this lifetime, grounded within your body in each moment.

As you develop the practice of being aware in each moment, your integrated consciousness becomes more refined, and yet stronger, so that your presence radiantly expresses your highest divine truth. Your cosmic presence unfolds, so that you express the original spark of the divine creator, but in the entirely unique way that your distinct soul was created to express.

When you, the conscious self, talk with your inner aspects, you become the kind and loving self that your inner aspects need. If your higher self sent its higher vibrations of light into your fragmented inner troubled parts, they would recoil with confusion and fear. And yet, you may recognize that your troubled aspects need the healing of the higher self. Yes, they do — but you, the conscious self need to mediate this process.

In the conversation you have with your inner parts, you help them know that they are loved, and that they are part of the entire wheel of self. And you gently and gradually introduce the light of your higher self to these inner aspects. This is sometimes referred to as holding something in light, and it is easy to do…

You imagine the light of your higher self, and you create love and safety for your inner aspects. In other words, you don’t send your inner troubles a shining thunderbolt.

Imagine holding the light of your higher self as a safe sacred space between the palms of your hands, and invite your inner troubled aspects to experience this light. And here is where your rapport with your inner parts will help the process. Your troubled parts may have fear, confusion, and resistance, and so you want to mediate the process gently and gradually.

You converse with your parts throughout the process. Yes, you are deliberately mediating the process, but you do it with a friendly, sympathetic, supportive attitude. You don’t have to be an expert to talk with yourself. Just listen, share, and keep the inner conversation going. This is a conversation with a purpose. It is not aimless, repetitive, or negative. It is a way of listening in a friendly way, and gradually introducing fresh ideas.

Your inner conversations between your conscious self and various aspects of yourself reflect your willingness to improve yourself. And that is a good thing. Your inner conversations have purpose, and they are leading in a fruitful direction. This is why it is safe and appropriate that you participate in your own inner conversations. And do remind yourself that this is ok, and it doesn’t put you in the category of the odd person who mindlessly mutters to him or her self.

Whatever society may imagine about those who have their own inner conversations, recognize that your own inner conversations with yourself have meaning and value. What do you think happens when the media projects images in movies about the heroic person who knows it all, who is ever cool and collected, and who feels no fear? The viewers watching these images get the impression that to have doubts, to have issues, and to have inner conversations is somehow the practice of troubled people.

The cleverly packaged images projected in films are created to build images of false heroism in the public’s mind, as a compensation for the inner weakness that many people feel. The quiet inner work that takes place when you have an inner conversation is a deeper, genuine kind of heroism. It is the true inner work required of those who genuinely want to create real transformation. The mass media cannot easily depict the subtle inner world of thoughts, and so popular films tend to project images of outer flawless, smoothly confident activity.

Images of super-smooth confidence may seem normal in the media, but your inner work may be bumpy, may evolve more slowly, and may lack the confidence of film images. That is because your inner reality is real, deep, mysterious, and many-layered. Your richly layered and subtle inner life cannot look like a flawless image, because the flawless image is fake. You need to recognize this in order to honor that you are doing something bold, important, and valuable when you talk with yourself.

When you talk with yourself, you are reconstructing reality. You are building a new world. It may not look like the material for a flawless story, but it’s not supposed to be anything like that. The inner work you do with your inner conversations is the true reality. The shifts you are able to make in your consciousness are the real story. Never mind how it looks to others on the outside. They have their own fears and limitations, and this filters their perceptions of you, and of everything else.

Stay with your inner conversations. You are doing the real work. You are having the genuine juicy experience, co-creating with the essential aspects of your own self. You incarnated here in this lifetime to have those inner conversations. But what of those who don’t let themselves participate in the inner conversation? What of those who really believe that self-talk is for the silly, the uncool, or the delusional?

When the hub of your wheel reflects the voice of everyone else, then you’re channeling the mass consciousness. Don’t get lost there, because that is the unfortunate reality of those who fear self-talk — they’re passively waiting for fictional media-created heroes to save them — while at the same time desperately recognizing that there is no such thing. Even if you suspect that some of what you think and feel is not entirely from your own self, keep participating in your own inner conversations between your conscious self, your subconscious self, and your higher self. You’ll gradually sort things out.

Your conversations with your self will move you forward as your deeper potential reveals itself each day. Though the process may not be as easy as you’d like, it’s a wonderfully exciting and meaningful experience. Let yourself breathe in the invigorating scent of your amazing reality as your self-talk unfolds, even if it seems to be frustrating or mystifying at times.

Life offers you a refreshing sip of your fresh-brewed cosmic reality every day, but only when you talk with yourself, for this frees you to uncover the rich taste of your delectable spiritual gifts, emerging magically from the depths of your self. And that percolating sound you sense within you is the bubbling of your creative thoughts, arranging and re-arranging themselves within your consciousness.

This splendidly fascinating reality is only available to you if — and when — you are willing to talk with yourself. And when you are ready to experience your daily self-talk, you will inhale the transforming scent of your deep inner reality each day. Let yourself breathe it in so that you can savor the experience, for the life of your true self depends upon it.

Many Blessings,

Joel Bruce Wallach

Founder, Cosmic Living for spiritual empowerment – tele-classes and home-study mp3’s